Mistakes:

What is the meaning of life? Have you ever asked someone that question in jest, but secretly you were hoping they had the answer? Sure, who hasn’t? If you’ve never once pondered the idea that there is a straight line path that you are meant lead then my hat is off to you. I give you credit where credit is surely due. I’m the first person; I’m a dreamer, but I’m also a risk taker.

What if one rainy Tuesday morning you woke up, brushed your teeth aimlessly while thinking of the tasks ahead, then buzz, bing, boop, bleep; your phone goes nuts. It’s facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat, chatchattwizzledang. It’s finally here!! The answer! That moment so many people have waited a lifetime to experience. You’ve got mail, you’ve been tagged, someone took a picture of you. You rush to your third appendage and find that answer.

“Bob; great news! The son of king… Shit I hate spam.

“Bob; great news! The answer you’ve been searching for… Your life’s meaning. Congratulations on making it this far, you are right on track. Now finish brushing your teeth, put your name brand pants on, then your nondescript shoes left foot first, don’t forget, left foot first. Eat that tasty breakfast, kiss your cat and head on into your SUV you can’t afford. Drive 30 minutes in that shitty traffic you keep asking me to fix and arrive 5 minutes late to that job you hate and keep asking me change for you. Yep you guessed it, I didn’t give you the powerball numbers, someone else needed them more. But good news! You are going to have this job until you’re 65 when you retire and then get a part time job greeting people in a Supermarket Grocery SuperSite Electronics Plastic Surgery Center. They’ll call it “The Store for short.” Nope sorry dude, this is it, this is the life you get, you can’t change this path, you can not change the direction you’re going. There is NO OTHER OPTION FOR YOU!!!”

But what if? What if? What if? What if? No Bob there is no “What if?” There is only this.

I won’t bullshit you, there was a time I really thought that this may be the case for me. I actually felt like I was destined for a very specific line; a direct path that whatever/whoever was writing for me. Luckily for me someone taught me that I have options; that there are other paths to follow, the only destiny that I have coming to me is the one that I work hard to earn. I truly in my heart believe that I have options. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. A few times now. I have made mistakes, some small, some big, some unrepairable, most innocent, and a couple intentional. I’ve drank myself out of the United States Army only to earn an Honorable discharge, I’ve driven drunk while doing cocaine listening to Motley Crue. I’ve bought rounds for my friends when I didn’t have the money to do so, I’ve bought cars I could not afford, I’ve lived in homes I had no business in. I’ve hurt those closest to me to make people I don’t know laugh. I’ve been beaten in the streets of Germany, I’ve fought the police, I’ve not brushed my teeth or flossed, I’ve eaten breakfast in bed, I’ve walked on a beach holding the hand of a beautiful woman. I traveled to Europe, got arrested in different countries, played the lotto asking god to fix my fucked up situation. I have cried at my dismay and begged for forgiveness. But no matter where I went; there I was.

Now don’t get all pissed off or think I’m writing this to talk about my woes. Because there is so much light that has shined on my life, I’ve been a part of a family they’ve picked me when I fell down, I’ve given my time freely to charity, I’ve seen the smile of newborn baby, I’ve been a guest at ceremonies to join amazing people, I’ve been sober for almost 9 years, I’ve been on national TV, I’ve been in magazines, I’ve started a business from scratch, I’ve stood a good friends funerals, I’ve seen my father recover fully from what doctors said would be a life crippling and slow death. I’ve seen the strongest woman I know find love and live a life she never thought possible. I’ve seen a Mexico sunrise, I stood at the Berlin Wall, I’ve met my idols, I’ve represented my country, I’ve played the game I love for 17 years, I’ve watched a homeless man give his last dollar to mother and her son, “because they needed it more.” , I have hugged my mother, played catch with my father, ran a marathon, drove a tank, fired a tank, earned medals and awards from the U.S. Army, I’ve saved a man’s life, I’ve met my sister, I met my brother, I’ve been to a professional sports event, I’ve seen the Eiffel Tower, I’ve stood at The Empire State Building, I’ve seen this nation's capital, I have “Felt what love really is in what I believe to be it’s truest form.” I am a fortunate man, I am proud son, a caring friend, a loving partner, and most importantly a human being.

No I’m not bragging; if I only told you the bad stuff, I’d be pitied, if I stated only the good I’d be boasting. I’m sharing my story. I’m sharing my experience. I’m trying to imply my hope.

No matter where I’ve gone; there I was. Do I believe there is a whatever/whoever writing my story? No. Do I believe that we are all entitled to a free and happy life? Yes. Do I believe there is something greater than I guiding me? You bet your ass. However! The greater thing, the universe, God, the ocean, a river, the sun, whatever you believe… It wants you to be happy, it wants you to be successful. It’s not going to just hand you a life you keep begging for, it's not just going to hand over the keys to the kingdom and say; “here ya go, good luck.” You’re going to have to work for your goals, you are going to have to work hard, set yourself up to be successful. And not someone else’s idea of success, YOUR idea of success. That greater thing will be there to help guide you, give you doors to open, others to close. You will have the opportunity to make mistakes. You will make mistakes. But good news, it’s not the end of the world. It’s not the end all be all, you don’t have to accept defeat and crawl into darkness. You have the choice. You have the power to be the man, woman, brother, sister, partner, son, daughter, uncle, aunt, friend, acquaintance, teammate, coach, leader, follower, and no matter what; you have the choice to be you.

I’ve made mistakes, but I own them. I have learned from them, I’ve grown with them. But the thing I must remember quickest? I am me, no matter where I go; there I am. I am the master of my destiny, I am the one responsible for my actions, I am the man I work to be.

If you made it this far; thank you. I love y'all.