Wins and Losses

Wins AND Loses:

All so often I find myself talking to friends family and strangers about the victories in life. Whether through social media outlets and the thousand friends I have there, or in person at a demo talking to strangers; the path of least resistance is the chosen path for most. It makes total sense, who wants to talk about the times where shit hit the fan? Who really wants to get into the times that the world didn’t go their way? I generally don’t like to share those moments, it’s not fun nor glamorous. However those moments have happened, they’ve shaped our choices, our paths, our experience. In order for wins to exist there must also be losses.

I am an athlete at heart, I love sports, I have had the opportunity to play them at high levels. I have love for the games, so for me looking at situations as “wins and losses” is so much easier. I hope it all makes sense to you as well. Things you should know; this is not a sad poor me post, this should serve as an opportunity to celebrate the losses that have given you the courage to achieve the wins.

For me life has been relatively easy. I know that sounds arrogant, it’s not, it’s true. Yes my parents divorced when I was 6 and yes that was hard at times to go back and forth, to not know one side of the street and then to disconnect from the other. Not understanding why. Bare in mind my parents love me unconditionally, and I rarely went without. Yes I was on financial scholarship for sports, I had to have a summer job to pay for the gear that I wanted for the next season, which meant I’d miss summer baseball with my friends who didn’t have to work. I was learning the value of work, the value of being able to purchase something on my own. The responsibility to my family. It wasn’t easy but believe me there folks out there that have had to work a lot harder in much more difficult situations. For part of my youth I was the chubby kid, I wore “huskie jeans” and felt misplaced. The place I found myself was through sports; again this will sound arrogant and you may not like me anymore but I was naturally better than my peers, I didn’t have to work at sports, I could wake up and go be good enough to get picked for teams in the top 5 every time, I don’t know what it’s like to get picked last. Sports were my great equalizer, they were my path to acceptance. I continued those achievements in sports, I became the captain of the football team, the baseball team leader, the rugby team captain, and any group project I was offered the leadership role. The thing that set me apart? I have no idea, I was just me being me, you’d have to ask my teammates, coaches and friends what made me different.

Okay, So there’s the background music. Now to talk about the losses, and the victories thereafter. Because we ALL experience them in some way or another, I thought I would share some of mine. Now keep in mind I am just over 8 years clean and sober, so some of my dialog may have that 12 step tone.

I have had more than 30 full time or Part time jobs in my life. I’ve been fired from 0. I’ve left on my own terms with no less than two weeks 28 times. I’ve walked out 1 time and had a mutually agreeable resignation 1 time. I’ve probably applied for over 400 jobs, I’ve been told I was over qualified, under qualified, too slow, too fast, too dirty, too loud. I have worked for free weeks at a time just to earn a spot. Working in Sonoma County and San Francisco in the early 2000’s was a tough game, someone was always chasing you, and you were always chasing someone. Your best cooking buddy would throw you under the bus the first time he could if it meant moving up. I did the same. It was very cut throat, it was very tiring, it was exhausting, it was brutal. I’ve gone weeks without a job while moving to Portland, and when my last hope was shot I threw up one more resume to a craigslist add that turned into a job. I quit cooking worked at Starbucks and fumigated grain ships, because I was going to go back to school. I never started school because it wasn’t easy. I wound up taking an executive chef job I had applied for almost 6 months earlier that turned into an amazing experience. I was hired while the current chef was still there, he caught wind and quit on my first night. I was thrown in the fire. The staff quit and I had to hire a team of my own. During my 3 year stint there I worked with some of the most amazing and talented cooks, servers, bartenders, bussers, prep cooks, dishwashers, and managers any chef could imagine, I was published in magazines and I was a part of the cool crowd. Then the point came where I finally had enough of the crazy nights and inconsistent ownership. I wanted a change, so I took action to make a change. The loss 3 years ago that was not getting into school became a victory. I started a hot sauce company with $25,000 of investment and a 50/50 partner. After 1 year he moved to China. I was left to run a business, go to school full time, and work part time. It was insane! I would work my ass off, I didn’t have days off, I was committed to creating a hot sauce that would change the industry. I had projections, I had a budget, I had the personality. Let me tell you, you can have all the right stuff, but a consumer product goods company is not easy to start or run. For every store that accepted my sauces 2 said no, I spent hours, days, months trying to get this thing going. But I never quit, quitting isn’t in me. I continued to push, no matter how many times customers told me they didn’t like my sauce, every time a store said no, each time a lesser product was accepted before me. I bled, I cried, I laughed, I hated the very thing itself. But then I’d win an award, a customer would tell me how much they love my sauces, there would be victories after losses. There were weeks I was so frustrated and upset I’d just stop moving forward. Well at the pace I usually did. But I never quit. There is always opportunity in loss, what did I learn each time someone said no? I’d go to the next store, I’d ask what I could’ve done better, then 6 weeks later I’d go back and try again, I usually got nos but here 5 years later they’ve turned into yes. Sure there are times that those losses feel like the end or like you can’t crawl back from where you were. DON’T STOP! DON’T QUIT! Keep pushing forward, keep taking action. Yes recently I’ve gone through some shit I managed to dig my own hole, but you know what? I got my head right and I’m back on track, I took the risk, I made the mistake, I had a loss. But after every loss there is a victory.  I’m working full time, the hot sauce is swinging back into summer shape, and I’m not loosing my house. Yes for a minute it was all a huge loss, I took a risk most people will never have the guts to try, but I took it! Yes I sat back and wallowed in my own woes. Again, I tell you I am a fortunate man, maybe it is easy for me to get a job, save my house, and get my business back to basics. Or maybe, and this is what I think; I have surrounded myself with people who truly care, I have showed up and been there for them so when I needed it most they showed up for me. I am a fortunate man, I will not forget that, and as I continue to re-grasp my footing I’ll keep working hard to be better.

No matter how screwed you think you are, don’t wait to the last minute to make a change make it now, if there is something to be learned from my experience? Don’t wait till tomorrow, do your due diligence and ask for help. When experiencing a loss, stop and think about how to turn it into a win in the next match. There is always hope and always a way to set right what was once wrong. Take my word for it, one foot in front of the other, ask for help and run your crazy ideas by someone before taking action. Then take action and chase the dreams you set in front of you.

Thank you for listening to the ramblings. I love you and know that you are special and wonderful just the way you are.

All the best and happy cooking.